The Lethal Library
by Blue Newt
Summary: This is where the Baudelaires visit a local library - with disastrous results. R/R!


Hello, everybody!  
  
This is my first fanfiction for A Series of Unfortunate Events. I do not even know if any others exist. I have never read one or seen one, so if any of you readers seem to think I copied you, you are most happily mistaken. I would like to acknowledge the presence of a certain Lemony Snicket/David Handler (the Real author of the Series) because these are mostly, if not all, his characters, general writing style, and similar "unfortunate" mishaps. HOWEVER: all the ideas and the general plot of this story is MINE, MINE MINE! Sorry. *gasping for air* I got a little bit…overexcited, if you know what I mean. OH! Warning: I have only read Book the First, so I'm sorry, but if you write reviews discussing Book the Seventh, I will truly have no clue what you may be talking about.  
  
I now present to you: The Lethal Library  
  
The Baudelaire orphans had basically no one taking care of them at the moment. They were living at the home of Mr. Poe while he decided what to do with them. Meanwhile, Klaus had gotten rather desperate – in this case the word means "overwhelmingly in need of something or willing to accept anything regardless the quality simply because you have been pining away from your desire for it – for reading material. So the three Baudelaire orphans went to town in search of a library. They hadn't quite gotten over the shock of Violet almost being wedded to a disreputable distant relative Count Olaf, so they were quite cautious – here meaning that they were wary and careful – of walking the streets alone. But nonetheless, Klaus needed a library, Sunny had been viciously biting everyone who came near her with a months-old book on teeth.  
  
"Greepo," she said, which obviously meant something along the lines of, "I'm really getting tired of that old tooth book."  
  
So they all trooped down to the local library, unfortunately, not a very nice place. But it had walls and walls and shelves and shelves of easily accessible books, and that was what everybody wanted. Violet was nervously flipping through a documentary on stage productions, when she felt a light tapping on her shoulder. Turning around, she saw a hunched- over old lady with a big head staring at her. "I wouldn't suggest that for a pretty like you, miss," the woman said, staring beadily at Violet. "W- why is that?" asked Violet. "Too boring. Try this instead!" And with that the lady shifted a giant pile of manuscripts (which in this case means documents, papers, articles, or other writings) into Violet's arms. "O-o- oof!" gasped Violet. "Is that possibly too much for you?" asked the old woman. "N-noo…" stammered Violet. "It's just that I don't like reading 253 different manuscripts on the Underpants of the Year Awards." The lady widened her eyes and rose up a bit angrily. "Don't you? It's my favorite." At this point Klaus came over.  
  
"Violet? Who is that you're talking –OOPS!" Klaus slipped on a misplaced banana peel (most likely the work of some corny hobo) and knocked a shelf of books down onto a nearby reader's head. And the Baudelaire kids got to know the old lady really well, and though she was rather eccentric and annoying, she did nothing worse than to play stupid and corny practical jokes on Klaus, whom she came to rather like. But one day, Sunny bit her sandals through to the bone. "Y-YOOOOOWWWWWW!" said the old librarian. "I'LL KILL YOU ALL!" For the youngest Baudelaire enraged none other than librarian Hanibella Lecternia. She advanced on the children, staring at them. "I think I'll eat the youngster first! She'll be nice and tender!" So the woman came over to Sunny, while Violet frantically thought of an invention that would eat an evil librarian and Klaus spouted off facts about marital law. Hanibella Lecternia picked up Sunny, who simply shouted "Yabba!" which probably meant, "Put me down, you horrible witch!" But it did no good. Therefore, Sunny bit Hanibella on the nose. Now, you see, Mrs. Lecternia was attracted to the scent of blood. Her nose began to bleed. "YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" she screamed, and proceeded to eat herself. "Whew! That was close!" said Klaus. "Jinook!" yelped Sunny, obviously meaning, "That was pretty damn funny when the old librarian ate herself!" The Baudelaire children walked outside, and immediately a Publishers Clearinghouse van zoomed up to them and presented a giant check to Klaus, for reciting the most wolf facts ever known to mankind. And then they all went off to spend the money and have miserable adventures anyhow.  
  
The End.  
  
Author's Note: Hi! Hope you liked it. It's kind of lame, but please review it! I'm a new fanfic writer, so if you have any friends who might like to read these stories, please tell them about me. I sadly have very few reviewers. Boo-hoo. Well, thanks for reading! Luv ya! ~ Blue Newt 


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